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Category Archives: Letters

one of your senior officials recently gave a brilliant interview to tumwijuke which reads in parts like this:

tumwijuke: Since you say KCC has absolutely no plans in regards to libraries, theatres, sports and culture, perhaps it’s too much for me to ask about public art?

Your official: Pabuliki arti? What is she pabuliki arti?

tumwijuke: You know, art of any kind … that is specifically planned to be staged in public and is accessible to all.

Your official: Ho oh! Ayi know dati wanu. Like Ddikula.

tumwijuke: No. Not like Ddikula. Okay, just a bit like Ddikula, although he really falls in the category of street theatre. (Aside) Street theatre of the crudest kind, if you ask me …

Your official: Padoni?

tumwijuke: I was saying public art is defined by things like monuments, memorials, special lighting and fountains … you know, things like that.

Your official: I don’t andahstandi.

This beautiful conversation continues for a while with your senior staff finally grasping it:

Your official: Eh! Dozi wanuz do we havu the maney for dem? Follas we consenturati on developmental things. Like schooluzi, clinikisi, rubbishi and soh onu.

… and getting to the point:

Your official: Eh, but mayi dohtah! Dozi things are foh abload.

Exactly. Dozi things are foh abload. However, dear KCC, I’m slightly surprised. I always assumed your officials rather frequently accompany their better halves for shopping sprees to London. And while the ladies run around Harrods to spend the bribes dished out by desperate Kampalans in order to get building plans approved within a reasonable time frame, I thought at least your guys could take some time off to study why exactly dozi things are foh abload.

Eh?

Because for the Muzungus, a long time ago they have invented a very clever mechanism called Percent for Art:

Some governments actively encourage the creation of public art, for example, budgeting for artworks in new buildings by implementing a Percent for Art policy. 1% of the construction cost for art is a standard, but the amount varies widely from place to place. (Wikipedia)

How smart is that. Any large-scale investment, publicly or privately funded, is required to prove that at least 1% of the project costs have been used for public art stroke beautification of public space.

It’s that easy and it wouldn’t cost you a Shilling. Sincerely.

for adding new aerial photos of Kampala with a much better resolution. However… I know you guys are very busy modelling the more important cities of this world in three dimensions and adding a lot of commercially viable and useless functions to your otherwise beautiful application. Don’t worry, we are asking for none of these for Kampala. All we are asking for: Can you please make sure that next time around you choose a day without clouds? Idiots.

Aerial photo of a cloud over central Kampala

you make us proud. Not only did you get ready for CHOGM in time. Not only did you construct a helipad. You even found someone who is brave enough to use it!

Garden City helipad

Well done. But now explain this to us:

Garden City steel monster

What on earth is this steel monster sticking out of your car park? If you are trying to hide those nasty roofs, don’t you think there are simpler ways of doing so? How about taking them down.